Thursday, December 22, 2005 @ 10:45 PM
i cried to God just now. i literally cried.
i so badly wanted them to come, and i so badly wanted them to come back. but they all won't.
i cried so badly and i said sorry to God.
i felt so sorry and useless- that i felt incompetent and unable- that i wasn't able to bring any of His lost child back in this magical season. i felt that something in my life must have gone so wrong and that's probably why the fruits are not coming in. it's impossible that when i pray- God won't grant me. it's the matter of time. but i felt it must have been something about me that caused all these.
i cried sorry to God, and i repented, of whatever sins that i've done. my laziness, especially, was probably what that made everything happened. and i cried to God to forgive them of their sins too, and bring them back to Him, 'cause i know how much He loves them.
but i felt so useless and sorry, that i was unable to bring anyone back to him. then i felt a strong sensation within me, and i asked Him, "why, God?"
'cause God showed me a picture of a smiling baby. He rather see me smile than to cry. and i knew how much more it hurts Him to see His child sad.
why, after all that i've ever done, He still loves me?
why, after all my failures, He still loves me?
'cause He loves, therefore.
it's not about me, it's about You God. all that i ever wanted to do was to please You, and You know that, and You are pleased. and You are going to Bless me. not now yet, but You will.
and i'll wait.
if this is the plan You have for me, i will wait.
'cause i know it's going to be the best- 'cause You love me.
and i hope, that when i share my testimony tomorrow, it'll touch people's heart.
use me Lord.